Back to Business

It felt good getting that last post off of my chest, but back to business as usual.

Business item #1

Temple

Kansas City got a temple! 

I'm from Utah, where there are tons of temples. I've always respected and appreciated temples, but I think I took them for granted. The closest temple to us is about 2 1/2 hours away in Omaha. When we found out about 2 years ago that there was going to be a temple built here in Kansas City, we were pretty excited. I had no idea how exciting it would be though. From the very first shovel of dirt that was dug, there has seemed to be a buzz in the air.

One Sunday, when construction was underway, Trav and I decided to go on a drive to see it. We started on the freeway in the general direction and found ourselves lost. He thought I knew where it was and I thought he knew where it was. We were totally annoyed at each other and decided to just drive to church. When we looked up and saw this

Whoa. My heart skipped a beat. At that moment I was so grateful and almost a little emotional to know that we were going to have a temple just minutes away from us!

Months later, we were able to take our kids and friends through the open house of the temple

 Avery thought it was pretty cool. She especially thought it would be fun to run and jump on the alter in the sealing room. Oops!

Since we are on the topic of the KC temple, we may as well discuss the KC temple 5K run that we did last Saturday (did you just see what I did with there... so smooth.)

This was the second year we did it. Trav and the girls joined me this year. I decided this year, that I was going to stop being a show off and that I was going to just stick around with my family. In my head I imagined running hand in hand with Travis as we were pushing the jogging stroller with our girls, running towards the temple in eternal bliss.

Well, it didn't really go as planned.

We started out on our magical journey. Then Brooklyn got cranky. She was crying for the first mile. I decided to pull her out and walk/run with her. She's pretty heavy, so I mostly walked with her. Travis went on ahead of me.

Brooklyn fell asleep on me.

I had to walk the rest of the 2.3 miles with a 22 lb sack of potatoes. 

My time was 53 minutes. PB right here!

  You can't be too mad at the little stink

After our family race, it was time for the kids 100 meter dash.

Avery did awesome! She didn't want to let go of my hand. As long as we beat Jude, her on again off again boyfriend, we were happy!

And I think we did!

And lastly, Travis, you really need to get in front of the camera once in awhile. People are going to think that I am a single mother. He ran the race, took the pics and watched the baby. What a champ!

Business item #2

Father/son church camp out

One of these things is not like the other

That didn't stop Travis from taking Avery to the Father/Son camp out. 

He figures that he will never have a son, so why not take little Doodle? I don't even think they suspected that she didn't have "boy parts."

But they may notice in a couple of years, so sooner or later this tradition has to end.

Uh oh... Probably sooner

Item of business #3

The gun show

Not really a gun show. We went shooting at a range with our friend Orson.

I'd like to tell you that it was awesome. I'd like to tell you that I was a natural shooter. I'd like to tell you that Travis was super hot shooting that gun.

I really would have liked all of those things. But it didn't happen for me because I FORGOT TO BRING MY PURSE (which had my ID, which was required )so the mean lady behind the counter rejected my "A."

We were clear in Independence, so I told the boys to go ahead and shoot, while I went shopping. 

It was a treat window shopping at the dollar store, because again I FORGOT TO BRING MY PURSE and I had no money.

What an adrenaline rush

Item of business #4

Time outs

They have begun for this gal

She is a biter, a hitter, an attacker and a toy stealer and must be punished.

Don't let this face fool you

She is lethal

Those are the items on the agenda for now. Stay tuned for more serious business.

Just because

I have no reason to blog today. I have a million pictures of my kids I could write about, and I usually do, but this particular post, I think I just feel like talking.

I remember when we first started blogging, pre-kids, I would write a lot about what I was going through and feeling and thinking. Nowadays, the blog is all about my kids, which, really, is what it should be about seeing how we don't live near any family.

Lately I have had this inner dialogue with my brain. I think of my life. I think of what I do every day. I think of what the future will be like for me. To answer those thoughts, right now, I basically live for my children. If they are ornery, my day is usually bad. If they are happy, my day is usually joyous. If they are sick, my day is usually hard. If they learn or pick up on something new, my day is usually awesome. My days consists of the normal mom things. I feed kids, I play with kids, I try to entertain kids, I clean up after the kids. I am constantly finding new fun things we can do. I am always meal planning and going to the grocery store. I am a typical mother. As far as the future goes, I plan on having more kids and plan on basically doing what I do till they are grown. As they get older, the routine will change. They will be going to school, having soccer/dance/piano lessons. We will be settled with a job and a house etc.

This is the life that I have chosen and have sought for, but sometimes I  feel anxiety, selfishly, for my own future. Before I had kids, I made a rule that I was never going to loose myself to motherhood. I wanted to always be laugh at funny things, love to run, love to learn Me. To a point I have kept that motto. I still love to exercise and run. I love to have fun with friends. I read and try crafts and try different recipes. I watch "E" and can tell you all the celebrity gossip. So yes, I am still Me. But sometimes I just don't feel like the old Milli.  At some instances, I do feel lost to motherhood. Sometimes I do have a free minute and I have no idea what to do with myself. I can't start and finish a project. I can't read a book. Sometimes I take better care of my kids than my husband. I know that I'm babbling but the scary and real question that I'm dealing with right now is this. Once my kids are all grown up, what is going to become of me? What will I do?

So many women have talents that are put to work when their kids are grown. Some women will start businesses, some women will make things and sell them, some women will go back to their profession and work, some women will devote themselves to genealogy, some women will get into real estate. Right now, none of those things really sound that great to me.

I have always wanted to be a nurse, but really, at age 50, will I want to go back to nursing school?  I mean, wiping my kids bums for 20 years doesn't make wiping strangers bums seem that appealing.

Will I be the woman that goes to lunch with her friends, reads books, always has a clean house and shops galore when my kids move on? That doesn't sound so bad, but will I be stimulated?

I know this post is from left field, but truly what inspired this is that I was looking back at a bunch of my old blog posts, and they were pretty fun to read back in the day. I remember how stimulated I was. I remember that I had to make myself wait a couple of days before posting about something else that I wanted to write about. I felt inspired to write all of the time. Nowadays when I go to blog, I have no idea what to write. Pictures I have. Adorable pictures of my beautiful family. But sometimes I want to talk about other things, like I used to.

This post isn't a cry for help at all. I'm happy and I am doing exactly what I want to be doing right now. I think that I just need to get things off of my chest and also I like to document how I am feel during this moment in life I am at right now. Who knows, maybe in 30 years I will read this post and think, "man, what a basket case, life is great. My husband is almost retired and makes a great living. My kids all made it and are having their own kids. I have the freedom to do whatever it is that I want to do. And also, I have a hot body." Ha! That last part was a joke to myself... hopefully in 30 years I will still think that I am hilarious.

In conclusion, I'm just in a deep thought. I know things will work out good for me for the future. I shouldn't be scared to "put my eggs all in one basket," that basket being motherhood. I think that if I just totally give it all, my blood, my time, my sweat, my tears, my emotions, my love; with a little bit of "selfish me things" mixed in; I know that it will be worth it. I just need to convince my overly anxious mind of this so that I can enjoy everyday, even if that day consists of overly ornery and cranky babies.

Happy Mother's Day!